So my Mom has died. It's December 18, 2011. Almost 2 months since my life has changed completely. After long discussions and figuring out the right route for long term decisions, Meredith and I have have taken over my mothers house. With my other siblings being out of state, the economy being so bad and me renting an apartment, the best way to go was to do something with this house.
I did.
As soon as I got the green light to take over the house I started the next day. In five weeks I managed with the help of Meredith and her father to paint the whole interior of this house, rip up carpets, get the hardwood floors done, get a new kitchen floor, remodel and renew this cape house. I am satisfied with the way this house has turned out. We just moved in yesterday and when i sat down on the couch this morning to drink my coffee- I never felt such self gratification. It's a bittersweet feeling.
Some days I am numb to what my life has become. Other days I am so open and exposed that I could cry at the drop of a dime. I don't really go long without speaking to someone who has nothing but great things to say about my mother, as much as I like to hear it, it's almost painful because I start to get angry about how I can't experience life with her anymore. I'm 30 years old and I don't have parents. But, I have Justin, Chris and Heather. We have a bond that will never be broken. Try me.
I am excited to start this chapter in my life with Meredith. We have a house now. We're getting married in May. I also am excited that I feel pretty untouchable as well. I feel like, once you've experienced something so traumatizing as I have, everyone else can go fuck themselves if they have nothing to offer you except bullshit. Im not a time waster anymore. I need to get shit done. I need to look out for myself and for the people who I love and who are there for me.
Life is still moving but I'm not going to just stand there and let it carry me. I'm going to move with it, I'm going to get ahead of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment